:D

I was too tired to blog about the ParallaxX outing yesterday and with the headache that I am currently having, I'm gonna do it now.

How do I even go about starting yesterday? It was awesome in soooo many ways! Despite the so called "last minute and unexpected" plan, it was truly enjoyable. :D

I thought I was late due to the interview I had earlier on, but I guess its okay, since eventually, everyone turned up. :D Had dinner over at a not-so-classy restaurant, with all the dishes being laid on the table. Had a lot of laughs from Syth about almost everything. HAHA. But, hell yeah, it was awesome!

Basically, for the whole night, we were in constant chatting, yakking, laughing and talking non-stop. Talking about the most mundane things to serious stuff, but mainly crap lah. Haha, of which, we hadn't been talking lately. I shan't elaborate about the bowling. I'll save that for the next post. There's a lot to talk about that issue. You'll see what I mean, soon. =P

I was so beat when I reached home. But, it was worth it. Every second, minute, hour and those little moments, I enjoyed and loved it. We should do it again alright? No need some fancy restaurant, just good and reasonably priced food and great company. So, anyone planning the next one? I'm so IN! :D

Okay, I'm tired. I think I'm having the flu bug. Darn.

Gonna have an early night today. Gotta pack my suitcase tomorrow for my not-looking-forward overseas trip. Grrrrr.

Till then, goodnight and goodbye.

c'est la vie.

Dressed in Zara's black formal shirt, with black pants, and black canvas shoes, all ready to embark on a new journey; a plan that has been consulted and thought of carefully; a plan that will be implemented in due course; a plan that's totally unexpected to me; a plan completely foreign to me.

The only way in which I'm voicing my emotions is through here. I can't bring myself to tell someone. It may be too mundane of an issue to trouble someone.

But to me, well, it's a HUGE issue.

I'll stop here. I can't go on no more. I don't know what to think anymore. I guess, moving forward's the only way. There's no turning back.

I need to talk to somebody, anybody who will understand.

In the mean time, just be strong nurul!

little miss fickle!

No amount of words can sum up the happiness bubbling in me. Why, you may ask?

Because I finally, succumb to having a makeover of my room after a long time contemplating as to whether I should or not. Well, after seeing how my brother have been revamping his own room, makes me green with envy. So decided to change it. CHANGES ARE GOOD!

Agreed? Yeah, me too. I can see your heads nodding in unison. =P

It's gonna be quite a refreshing and warm theme, I'd say. Pretty unique in its own way. Though, I'm still in the midst of deciding the colours, the decorations, the patterns, the everything! And yeah I'm still finding for the 'right' decisions. =X

I know, I'm fussy. So they ALL tell me.

HAHA. goooooodnight goooooodmorning people! :D

Like the proverb, "Books and friends should be few but good"

There's something about keeping my social circle small especially with the friends that I'm really comfortable about just being myself; no façade, no thinking twice about how saying something could affect the other party, and just about plainly being myself, no matter how boring at times I may sound.

So, to my friends that have been there for me in times of trouble, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

and redranger, we'll talk cock again someday! :D (don't worry, I won't speak french. HAHA.)

Happy holidays!

the imperfect perfectionist.

Have you ever the feeling of feeling so optimistic (I know it rarely happens, or maybe it does, but just work with me here okay?), and then, suddenly, out of nowhere, all the positive feelings, just go *poof!* into thin air. Leaving you with nothing, but badbad feelings?

Well, I did. Today. I'm never the optimistic person. I'm leaning towards being a pessimist, though, I do keep the optimistic near, just not that close.

I believe that if you think or anticipate the bad things in life, when it does happens, you won't feel the hurt or disappointment, cause in a way, you sort of plan for it already. I'm not saying, you have to be all anticipative of all things going bad. You can keep the hope (but not too much) about good things happening, but, the bad things usually hit/hurt us the most first.

You know, you'd do anything for the ones you love, even if they might be cranky, and many other not so nice stuff. But, when it just comes down to too much, and you can't help but wonder, "Why am I doing this? Is it out of obligation? Or just love?"

If it's "love", then, you sure do have a really big heart. Obligation seems a bit rough of a word to use? I mean, are we really obligated to the people we love? And if we are, in some ways, to what extend does the obligation ends? Where does it starts and ends?

I'm just thinking out loud. I mean, in every situation, you'd want to be on the positive side, and not think of the negativity that might affect the internal, delicate structure of a particular model. However, at times, being too optimistic, is bad. Not bad, bad. But, just bad. It's hard to explain, even now, I'm thinking how to put such thoughts across...delicately.

You know what, I'm done thinking. It's no use really, to approach a subject and not knowing where it'll go.

Humans are not perfect with their many faults that they do. And I'm no exception. We make mistakes, may it be intentionally or not, we still do. We may hurt them in countless of ways and though we cant turn back time, we can always seek for forgiveness. I'm one of the many people who may or may not intentionally harm your feelings. I am truly sorry if I may have offend you in any way. We after all, are not perfect.

'tis the season to be jolly ~


Well well well, it's finally the season that everyone will be jolly about. Either its the process of shopping high-low for the perfect gift for that perfect somebody, finding gifts that would fit well into your tight budget for your friends, wrapping the gifts with colourful wrapping paper that it's almost a sin to have it torn apart, the action of exchanging gifts that would make make someone happy or just making something from scratch and exchange it to someone which of course would be more satisfying.

I haven't buy anything for anyone yet this year, particularly I'm not working and I'm saving for a quite a lot of other important things before I start my next year. So, I decided to get down to basics. Yeah, perhaps, I'm going to give some stuff to my closest friends. So, wait for it yeah! :D

I guess, with the Christmas mood being infected to me, I'm more on a light mood now, rather than yesterday. But I'm still sore from time to time. I've yet to decide. Anyways, I wont be putting any negativity in here. Shall save it for tomorrow.

Gosh, I'm such a pessimist nowadays. It's like I'm overflowing with negativity, finding faults here and there. It's as if nothing is ever right anymore. One has friends but none keep in contact. Contact is being kept to a minimum and occasionally, the usual updates. Meetings are becoming more of a sacred thing, since meeting is like so difficult to make. So, meetings are usually a big thing lah. Something I look forward to.

To make up for that negativity in me, I've settled to be in complete solitude, little contact with people. Already had plans to watch movies alone, cause firstly, there's no one to watch it with; to go shopping alone, cause secondly, there's no one to shop with except me and myself?, and yeah, I guess, that's about it. HAHA.

---

Hmmmm, so what's on my social calendar?

Next weekend is my cousin's engagement and wedding - something, I'm so dreading to go. Well, the fact that she's young and still have so much potential, just doesn't suit me. But, oh well, what's love right? Christmas would be spent alone I suppose, unless someone is willing to date me out? HAHA. And then, there's next next Monday, I would be going on an overseas trip with Yahsee for shopping! :D Well, that's my social calendar, if you even call that a social calendar.

And, please don't mind me, I'll be most probably blogging frequently now since I've nothing to do. What can I say, a lot of things just happen to be flooding this head of mine. So, even if you don't see me everyday, well, you can roughly know what my thoughts are or how was my day. So, I guess, saves the time of you having to put up with my ever so boring antics on the MSN. Something good I'd say. Saves the trouble. HAHA.

Okay, I guess,this is it. Till then, see ya(:

natural justice?

Something lead me thinking about many times where I've been most giving and the times when I'm suppose to be the receiver, well, it just wasn't.

I'm nothing the sort where I expect something in return, hell, I gave up on that after some bad memories. But sometimes, when certain dates do come around, well, sometimes, you just want to go ahead and help just to make it a more wonderful day for that extra special person.

But but but...

When I look back at the years that they forgot, well, sometimes, it brings me down to the cold harsh reality NOT to hope anything cause firstly, words are ONLY words. They don't make actions come true. Unless of course, work is being put into it. Secondly, if you hope too much, it'll only end up hurting yourself, crying over something that won't even come true. Thirdly, it really reminds one how insignificant one can be treated especially by people you call your circle in which you roam.

So, it set me thinking whether do people whom you consider in your circle actually wear a disguise? I mean, my so called "ex-best friend", wore one. I think she would literally forget me once she's done with school or rather, when we meet, there'll be some form of awkwardness and there'll be forced conversation asking about the most mundane things.

I didn't say I was the perfect friend. I didn't say I don't wear masks or disguises. You know, in class I'm different; at home I'm different; and outside I'm different too. But sometimes, I feel as if I have given way too much and when it's actually my turn to receive, there's only hurt and disappointment. Of course, the hurt and disappointment doesn't linger nor does it lasts long but sometimes, it does come back to remind me what in reality happened and that with my adding the extra leg of effort, it just doesn't seem fair at times.

I guess, what a friend has been telling me, is painfully true. But no matter what, I've learnt not to expect from people cause I may never know when they may go breaking my hopes and the only thing to expect from them are the hurt, betrayal and utter disappointment that comes with them. I've learnt how to open myself to them and certainly, shutting myself away will be automatic. Why waste so much of my effort, when it comes to my time, I won't be receiving the red carpet treatment?

RAWRRR.


come and save me from this field of uncertainty, will you?

multiple choices.

No one told me it's gonna be this HARD.
No one told me it's gonna be this LONELY.
No one told me the process of choosing is a GRUELLING one.
No one told me that I have to CHOOSE.
No one told me that I'll be caught in this fix.
No one told me about the financial burden.
No one told me that I have to make the decision MYSELF.
No one told me that I have to GROW UP.
No one told me that time is against me.
No one told me that the decision will mould my FUTURE.

However, GRUELLING it may be, I'm hoping for a miracle that I'll be shown the right decision and that there'll be no regrets.


Till then, let me have my peace in my thoughts.



p/s: stand by me while I make the decision. show me the light at the end of my dark endless tunnel of confusion and loneliness.

i want it that way.

I want a movie romance.


I want to fall in love, and find my soulmate.


But more than anything, I want a kiss that subconsciously causes my leg to lift. 


Unfortunately, I still harbour "fairytale" like scenes in my head amidst the liberal and modernist views of life.

HAHA.

I know, I'm a walking contradiction.

goooooooodnight. (: