Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I feel damn lousy today, due to some unforeseen cicumstances. Well, I did some blog things. Here's to share.

What Nurul Farhah Means
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are a Tomboy Girl!
Instead of flirting, you tend to pal around with the guys you crush on.And why not? You can hold your own in sports, video games, and gross out contests.Just make sure and surprise them with a touch of girlishness every once and a while.Then you'll be treated like the hottie you are - not like one of the guys.

Sigh, just as much as I expected. I'm a tomboy girl. But I'm straight okay. bye. =\

Friday, January 04, 2008

This post is dedicated to my mom.

I hate my family, I fucking hate my mom, and I wished that I wasn’t born in this family. Call me whatever you want, I’m just being honest to myself and I’m just expressing my thoughts. I don’t know why things would turn out this way, but it did. I can only thank my two elder brothers who fucking appear in my life before me. They were showered with love, care and concern. And me, they pretended as if I’m invincible. I’m always the rotten one in the family. No one in my family ever would think that I am good in anything. Oh wait, they never considered me as good. They were never appreciative of me.

My mom never had trust in me and I fucking hate her to the core. I wished that I never had her as my mom. I don’t know why, she always shout at me, order me around, scold me for no reason, slap my face when I tried to clarify myself and always complain to my dad if there were to be a fight between us. And of course, she would say I’m being rude, I’m being unfilial and I’m such an irritant. Every single word that came out from her mouth has never made me feel motivated or feel that I belonged to this family. I’ve never been praised or commended or felt appreciated in the things I did.

Complain to my dad? I won’t stoop so low as her as to complain everything to my dad. I’m 17 plus, and turning 18 in a few months time. Am I not fucking old enough to make my own decisions? Am I not old enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong? Everyday, I had to be cooped in my room, and let another day go to waste. Nobody in the house knows what I’m feeling. Even my grandmother who shares the same room as me doesn’t care about what I’m feeling. She’s just a pain in the ass.

Oh yeah, my rival in the family have always been my second eldest brother. I don’t hate him then, but somehow, my mom makes me hate him now. Why, you ask? Basically because he is one fucking smart ass that manages to go to Junior College and now all the local universities in Singapore wants him. He is one fucking clever shit, and my mom dotes on him a lot. Why again, you ask? Because he had never been scolded by my parents, never been hit, and have always been in their good books. My mom appreciates everything he does, and even just a little clearing up the house, he will be treated as if he’s in heaven. And now, I wished that he never appear in my life.

My mom always compared him to me, and states all the good points that he has, and all the bad points that I have. Isn’t that unfair? She has always wanted me to become like him, but I’m not him, and I can’t be him. Is it so difficult to understand what are my needs and wants? Yes, I’m saying this again. I FUCKING HATE YOU MOM.

Everyone in the house is practically strangers to each other. Everybody does their own work, and my mom, since she just recovered from her leg accident, she takes advantage of it by asking me to do merely all the housework in the house, while she sat down in front of the computer, playing games. Smart huh? Unfortunately, not at all.

And yeah, issues about going out. This always happens, whereby she always find a million and one reasons forbidding me to go out. And what I can say that her level of trust in me is super low until a micrometre screw gauge is unable to measure it. Yes, that fucking low. I need to do so many things in the house and then she will let me go out. And if my brother, he doesn’t even need to wipe the dust and he gets to go out. Talking about this, my curfew time is fucking pathetic. I need to be home by 10, and if not I would be locked out of the house. How I wished that I wouldn’t have to go home forever, I wouldn’t have to live in hatred and sorrows.

But then, as far as I wanted not to go, I need to, because again, I’m still young and I’m under her responsibility. Blah blah blah. This has always been the reason I’m going home. Yes, I’m being super unfilial here, but I don’t care, I’m just typing down my thoughts.

And yeah, that’s the end of the post. I hope my mom reads it and is aware that I hate her to the fucking core. I blocked her in MSN by the way, because she loves to appear offline and check out on my nick and personal message. Two words, FUCKING DISGUSTING.