Wednesday, December 31, 2008

thank you 2008.

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save" - Will Rogers

My, sometimes, it's a bit over-whelming at how time passes you by so fast. And it amazed me at how much I've grown as a person in a year, both intellectually, mentally and emotionally. How much I've succeeded in my studies in a year. How strong my relationships are with my friends and basically with everyone I know. Before we know it, 2009 will be right around the corner.

2008 has been very memorable. Memories that will stay with me forever. Memories that can't be undone. Memories that will shape my perceptions and expectations of people, things and the environment around me. Laughter I've laughed till I could just die of laughing. Few tears I've shed from disappointments and rejections. Regrets I wished I could take back and do right. The feel of pride that will stay with me forever. The undying need to be better, bigger dreams and to reach them will mould me.

School came in April and as quickly as it came, it ended quickly as well. Relationships were just beginning to unfold to something deeper, and alas, projects were on the way. Endless hours spent at the study room has now become a memory that brings laughter to my eyes and a smile that reminds me of how noisy I was with music blasting from the laptop, food that were smuggled into the room - pizzas, cakes, snacks, chocolates, and endless flow of drinks. How my sheer determination to actually do the project ends in slacking, gossiping on msn, watching movies and blogging. LOL.

Now? It's only a memory that I can look back and wished that I could do it all over again.

2008 gave me friends that I can safely call them my lifelong friends. One who has and will ever be my best friend. One who always will be there for me to lend his listening ear and am on the same wavelength as me. One who has been from afar my best friend, always ready to listen to rant about anything under the sun and who is able to keep my inner most secrets. One who always without a doubt teases me on MSN. These are definitely diamonds in the making. Even thinking about it, makes my heart swell with love and happiness just thinking about the sacrifices they made and everything that they had done for me. (:

Alas, 2008 will be coming to an end. And come the new year which would hold many things, hopes, dreams, all unknown to us, success and failures which would make us a better person, and being the person that we want to be. So, seeing that 2008 will come to an end, I have no regrets, instead I take each and every lesson with me throughout.

I'll miss 2008 and its memories. And now, I hope that 2009 will hold even better promises for me.

Goodbye 2008. You'll be missed dearly. Thank you for the memories.:D
I guess that there'll be double posts today, soon you'll know why.

The fact that I'm blogging now, not because that I've gotten my mojo back, but I just feel the need to write this down somewhere. So there.

-----





being daughter.



A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. -Author Unknown

Can I beg to differ? ):<


being THE ONLY daughter ..
  • means I've to put up the curtains in the hall since my brothers are probably working, or doing something that is deeemed so important -.-
  • means I've to vacuum the whole house, sweep the floor and to mop the floor before the big carpet can be put.
  • means I've to prepare the table before every meal - hot tea or coffee or whatever drinks and the plates have to be ready.
  • means I had to wake up early in the morning to go to the market so that I'll be able to get the food stuff for my mom to cook.
  • means I have to endure the criticisms of my really bad way of sweeping the floor with leaves dust behind somehow.
  • means I've to constantly clean and clear my study table which now, doesn't quite resemble one.
  • means I've to serve guests drinks and actually talk to them without being labelled as arrogant -.-

Well, it means I've my obligated daughter-ly duties to fill. Period.

Being the only daughter, I have many responsibilities that I am obligated to do and to carry out. There are countless times when they would automatically call out for me to fetch a glass of water, or to pick them up from the market where they are shopping from, no matter how tired I am.  From the littlest things to major stuff, I can say that I would always without fail and without complain when I do all those things.

I realized that being the only daughter, means there may be at times when I have to sacrifice what I want to do most, just have to get in the good books of people. Yeah, it's actually that bad.


Although this may not be the case for everyone. Sometimes when a Mother has only boys, well, she can only rely on them to help her with the daily chores right? Either way, being daughter has it's expectations and obligations. It is just different from sons.


Hell, I'm blabbering again.

Well, I guess, it's for my understanding. If you don't, then don't bother to.

Anyway, I don't wanna seem like an emotional basket case, so I shan't pursue it even further. 





A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. -Irish Saying

I couldn't agree more.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

slow days.


Don't we all?

Or maybe for some, don't.

But, mostly everyone does right? =X



I'm waiting for 2009 (:

Monday, December 29, 2008

will you take me away to a better place?

I wanna blog but as of this moment, I'm too dazed or rather the lack of drive has caused me to not write the post that I wanna write about.

So there.

Maybe I'll blog well about the celebrations and stuff when I get my mojo back :D

Till then, seeee ya!



7 more days(:

Sunday, December 28, 2008

place to hide.





If you're lonely anytime
You can talk to me
When you have trouble on your mind
I will always be
Here to shield you from it all
The best way that I can
Anything you want from me

Call me day
Call me night
Call me anytime you need someone to hold you
The tears in your eyes
Will be gone, they will dry
And if you still find that you can't face the world outside
Let me be your place to hide

I could always lie to you
If that's what you need
Tell you life is never cruel
And people never leave
But love is not always kind
And hearts break all the time
And even if I'm far from you

Call me day
Call me night
Call me anytime you need someone to hold you
The tears in your eyes
Will be gone, they will dry
And if you still find that you can't face the world outside
Let me be your place to hide

Little corner of the world is what I give to you
Somewhere you can find some peace and understanding
Life can be so sweet

Call me day
Call me night
Call me anytime you need someone to hold you
The tears in your eyes
Will be gone, they will dry
And if you still find that you can't face the world outside
Let me be your place to hide

Let me be your place to hide

-this song's for you, redranger(:

Saturday, December 27, 2008

it was almost perfect.

It all started with a simple message through an sms.

It was unbelievable. With new information about anything and everything, I can't help but to admit that it certainly surpassed my expectations. Like totally. And it was again, awesome.

It'll be hard for me to sum up everything in this space but, yes, a few words should just be enough to give the mental picture of that day itself.

I loved every minute and moment of it and I would love to re-live it again and again and again.

This is one happening Christmas for me. Hopefully, the next coming week would be the same too.

Thank you(:

Friday, December 26, 2008

" The most eloquent silence;
that of two mouths meeting in a kiss."

- Unknown

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

hohoho, merry christmas !


Finally, its the season to be jolly and merry. With those turkey and loads of log cakes to eat, it's no wonder everyone's loving Christmas. :D

Well, this year for Christmas, I've decided not to exchange any gifts with anyone, maybe I'll make some exceptions? Haha. Main reason being, I'm not working, and I'm frigging broke. I'm really really on a tight budget. =( But, hey, don't fret if you had bought me something, I mean, it's not really about the gifts and what's inside right? It's the thought that counts! :D


So, much apologies to you kind souls who thought of mean me. But, I'll make it up to you somehow alright? *insert sinister laugh* :D 

Well, its Christmas tomorrow and hopefully, the telly has good shows to air till evening at least, else, I'll be sleeping in my bed as per usual. Oh gosh, I really got to break this sleeping habit of mine!  I know, I'm a known sleep-aholic!=X


random starts.
Sometimes, I will feel lonely. I have no idea why, but it's just like that. Like, when I take a train/bus ride home, sometimes, it kinda dawns on me what I'm lacking. 
Well, I thought I'm more like the girl whom isn't worth a second look. The girl who is more likely seen with a book, or just barely noticing people there. It's kinda nice to have someone to call you up and ask you how's your day or something. Message you sweet messages that you can smile all the way home. Stuff like that, you know.=S
random ends.

Okay, that was pretty random. Must be the season of love and hope yes? HAHA. 


Alrightey, I guess, that's about it. So start singing your Christmas carols, and have a very Merry Christmas! :D
randoms.

Dad: So what's the problem, Sammy? Is it just Mum or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all?

Sam: You really want to know?

Dad: I really want to know.

Sam: Even though you won't be able to do anything to help?

Dad: Even if that's the case, yeah.

Sam: OK. The truth is actually... I'm in love.

Dad: Sorry?

Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Dad: Aren't you a bit young to be in love?

Sam: No.

Dad: Oh, OK, right. Well, I'm a little relieved.

Sam: Why?

Dad: Well, you know - I thought it might be something worse.

Sam: Worse than the total agony of being in love?

Dad: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.


how true. 

Friday, December 19, 2008

I LIKE THIS PICTURE! (although it's blurry, SYTH AH! =X)


eh  purple, you really look like a monster, but a cute one! HAHA. =X

Thursday, December 18, 2008

tick tock.

Time sure pass by really fast these days.

Before you know it, its already the 18th of December and tomorrow marks the LAST day of me being in Singapore and then, I'll be overseas for a week. And NO, it will not be a blast. =X

Things have been pretty hectic at home lately, with the washing of my wardrobe, changing of my room's curtains, washing of the laundry and the polishing of furniture. It's really tiring but yet, you don't feel the sweat nor the tiredness in you. Probably due to the fact that it's only done once a in a blue moon and that's because I feel the need to do so. Not exactly my cup of tea in cleaning but yeah, somebody's gotta do it, it's an obligation, especially, when you're a girl.

Okay, updates now. Been too busy to actually sit down and type whatever comes to mind. Haven't been seeing anyone online lately, just the usual suspects. Everyone's busy. So yeah.

Currently, I've been disturbed by the fact that there has been many many sales and I'm not part of it! Also, its like GOOD BUYS! Darn it! Okay, I'll go sooooon. Once the trip is over. YAY in advance!

Darn, Mum's calling me again-.- I guess, that's about my entry now. Kinda abrupt. But, hey, Christmas is coming, so, it's mainly what to wear, who to impress and what to say. So, till tomorrow, I guess, I'll write my LAST entry before the celebrations. Because, I'm foreseeing many many days of not updating.

Till then.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

:D

I was too tired to blog about the ParallaxX outing yesterday and with the headache that I am currently having, I'm gonna do it now.

How do I even go about starting yesterday? It was awesome in soooo many ways! Despite the so called "last minute and unexpected" plan, it was truly enjoyable. :D

I thought I was late due to the interview I had earlier on, but I guess its okay, since eventually, everyone turned up. :D Had dinner over at a not-so-classy restaurant, with all the dishes being laid on the table. Had a lot of laughs from Syth about almost everything. HAHA. But, hell yeah, it was awesome!

Basically, for the whole night, we were in constant chatting, yakking, laughing and talking non-stop. Talking about the most mundane things to serious stuff, but mainly crap lah. Haha, of which, we hadn't been talking lately. I shan't elaborate about the bowling. I'll save that for the next post. There's a lot to talk about that issue. You'll see what I mean, soon. =P

I was so beat when I reached home. But, it was worth it. Every second, minute, hour and those little moments, I enjoyed and loved it. We should do it again alright? No need some fancy restaurant, just good and reasonably priced food and great company. So, anyone planning the next one? I'm so IN! :D

Okay, I'm tired. I think I'm having the flu bug. Darn.

Gonna have an early night today. Gotta pack my suitcase tomorrow for my not-looking-forward overseas trip. Grrrrr.

Till then, goodnight and goodbye.
c'est la vie.

Dressed in Zara's black formal shirt, with black pants, and black canvas shoes, all ready to embark on a new journey; a plan that has been consulted and thought of carefully; a plan that will be implemented in due course; a plan that's totally unexpected to me; a plan completely foreign to me.

The only way in which I'm voicing my emotions is through here. I can't bring myself to tell someone. It may be too mundane of an issue to trouble someone.

But to me, well, it's a HUGE issue.

I'll stop here. I can't go on no more. I don't know what to think anymore. I guess, moving forward's the only way. There's no turning back.

I need to talk to somebody, anybody who will understand.

In the mean time, just be strong nurul!

Monday, December 15, 2008

little miss fickle!

No amount of words can sum up the happiness bubbling in me. Why, you may ask?

Because I finally, succumb to having a makeover of my room after a long time contemplating as to whether I should or not. Well, after seeing how my brother have been revamping his own room, makes me green with envy. So decided to change it. CHANGES ARE GOOD!

Agreed? Yeah, me too. I can see your heads nodding in unison. =P

It's gonna be quite a refreshing and warm theme, I'd say. Pretty unique in its own way. Though, I'm still in the midst of deciding the colours, the decorations, the patterns, the everything! And yeah I'm still finding for the 'right' decisions. =X

I know, I'm fussy. So they ALL tell me.

HAHA. goooooodnight goooooodmorning people! :D

Friday, December 12, 2008

Like the proverb, "Books and friends should be few but good"

There's something about keeping my social circle small especially with the friends that I'm really comfortable about just being myself; no fa├žade, no thinking twice about how saying something could affect the other party, and just about plainly being myself, no matter how boring at times I may sound.

So, to my friends that have been there for me in times of trouble, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

and redranger, we'll talk cock again someday! :D (don't worry, I won't speak french. HAHA.)

Happy holidays!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

the imperfect perfectionist.

Have you ever the feeling of feeling so optimistic (I know it rarely happens, or maybe it does, but just work with me here okay?), and then, suddenly, out of nowhere, all the positive feelings, just go *poof!* into thin air. Leaving you with nothing, but badbad feelings?

Well, I did. Today. I'm never the optimistic person. I'm leaning towards being a pessimist, though, I do keep the optimistic near, just not that close.

I believe that if you think or anticipate the bad things in life, when it does happens, you won't feel the hurt or disappointment, cause in a way, you sort of plan for it already. I'm not saying, you have to be all anticipative of all things going bad. You can keep the hope (but not too much) about good things happening, but, the bad things usually hit/hurt us the most first.

You know, you'd do anything for the ones you love, even if they might be cranky, and many other not so nice stuff. But, when it just comes down to too much, and you can't help but wonder, "Why am I doing this? Is it out of obligation? Or just love?"

If it's "love", then, you sure do have a really big heart. Obligation seems a bit rough of a word to use? I mean, are we really obligated to the people we love? And if we are, in some ways, to what extend does the obligation ends? Where does it starts and ends?

I'm just thinking out loud. I mean, in every situation, you'd want to be on the positive side, and not think of the negativity that might affect the internal, delicate structure of a particular model. However, at times, being too optimistic, is bad. Not bad, bad. But, just bad. It's hard to explain, even now, I'm thinking how to put such thoughts across...delicately.

You know what, I'm done thinking. It's no use really, to approach a subject and not knowing where it'll go.

Humans are not perfect with their many faults that they do. And I'm no exception. We make mistakes, may it be intentionally or not, we still do. We may hurt them in countless of ways and though we cant turn back time, we can always seek for forgiveness. I'm one of the many people who may or may not intentionally harm your feelings. I am truly sorry if I may have offend you in any way. We after all, are not perfect.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

'tis the season to be jolly ~


Well well well, it's finally the season that everyone will be jolly about. Either its the process of shopping high-low for the perfect gift for that perfect somebody, finding gifts that would fit well into your tight budget for your friends, wrapping the gifts with colourful wrapping paper that it's almost a sin to have it torn apart, the action of exchanging gifts that would make make someone happy or just making something from scratch and exchange it to someone which of course would be more satisfying.

I haven't buy anything for anyone yet this year, particularly I'm not working and I'm saving for a quite a lot of other important things before I start my next year. So, I decided to get down to basics. Yeah, perhaps, I'm going to give some stuff to my closest friends. So, wait for it yeah! :D

I guess, with the Christmas mood being infected to me, I'm more on a light mood now, rather than yesterday. But I'm still sore from time to time. I've yet to decide. Anyways, I wont be putting any negativity in here. Shall save it for tomorrow.

Gosh, I'm such a pessimist nowadays. It's like I'm overflowing with negativity, finding faults here and there. It's as if nothing is ever right anymore. One has friends but none keep in contact. Contact is being kept to a minimum and occasionally, the usual updates. Meetings are becoming more of a sacred thing, since meeting is like so difficult to make. So, meetings are usually a big thing lah. Something I look forward to.

To make up for that negativity in me, I've settled to be in complete solitude, little contact with people. Already had plans to watch movies alone, cause firstly, there's no one to watch it with; to go shopping alone, cause secondly, there's no one to shop with except me and myself?, and yeah, I guess, that's about it. HAHA.

---

Hmmmm, so what's on my social calendar?

Next weekend is my cousin's engagement and wedding - something, I'm so dreading to go. Well, the fact that she's young and still have so much potential, just doesn't suit me. But, oh well, what's love right? Christmas would be spent alone I suppose, unless someone is willing to date me out? HAHA. And then, there's next next Monday, I would be going on an overseas trip with Yahsee for shopping! :D Well, that's my social calendar, if you even call that a social calendar.

And, please don't mind me, I'll be most probably blogging frequently now since I've nothing to do. What can I say, a lot of things just happen to be flooding this head of mine. So, even if you don't see me everyday, well, you can roughly know what my thoughts are or how was my day. So, I guess, saves the time of you having to put up with my ever so boring antics on the MSN. Something good I'd say. Saves the trouble. HAHA.

Okay, I guess,this is it. Till then, see ya(:

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

natural justice?

Something lead me thinking about many times where I've been most giving and the times when I'm suppose to be the receiver, well, it just wasn't.

I'm nothing the sort where I expect something in return, hell, I gave up on that after some bad memories. But sometimes, when certain dates do come around, well, sometimes, you just want to go ahead and help just to make it a more wonderful day for that extra special person.

But but but...

When I look back at the years that they forgot, well, sometimes, it brings me down to the cold harsh reality NOT to hope anything cause firstly, words are ONLY words. They don't make actions come true. Unless of course, work is being put into it. Secondly, if you hope too much, it'll only end up hurting yourself, crying over something that won't even come true. Thirdly, it really reminds one how insignificant one can be treated especially by people you call your circle in which you roam.

So, it set me thinking whether do people whom you consider in your circle actually wear a disguise? I mean, my so called "ex-best friend", wore one. I think she would literally forget me once she's done with school or rather, when we meet, there'll be some form of awkwardness and there'll be forced conversation asking about the most mundane things.

I didn't say I was the perfect friend. I didn't say I don't wear masks or disguises. You know, in class I'm different; at home I'm different; and outside I'm different too. But sometimes, I feel as if I have given way too much and when it's actually my turn to receive, there's only hurt and disappointment. Of course, the hurt and disappointment doesn't linger nor does it lasts long but sometimes, it does come back to remind me what in reality happened and that with my adding the extra leg of effort, it just doesn't seem fair at times.

I guess, what a friend has been telling me, is painfully true. But no matter what, I've learnt not to expect from people cause I may never know when they may go breaking my hopes and the only thing to expect from them are the hurt, betrayal and utter disappointment that comes with them. I've learnt how to open myself to them and certainly, shutting myself away will be automatic. Why waste so much of my effort, when it comes to my time, I won't be receiving the red carpet treatment?

RAWRRR.


come and save me from this field of uncertainty, will you?

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

multiple choices.

No one told me it's gonna be this HARD.
No one told me it's gonna be this LONELY.
No one told me the process of choosing is a GRUELLING one.
No one told me that I have to CHOOSE.
No one told me that I'll be caught in this fix.
No one told me about the financial burden.
No one told me that I have to make the decision MYSELF.
No one told me that I have to GROW UP.
No one told me that time is against me.
No one told me that the decision will mould my FUTURE.

However, GRUELLING it may be, I'm hoping for a miracle that I'll be shown the right decision and that there'll be no regrets.


Till then, let me have my peace in my thoughts.



p/s: stand by me while I make the decision. show me the light at the end of my dark endless tunnel of confusion and loneliness.

Monday, December 01, 2008

i want it that way.

I want a movie romance.


I want to fall in love, and find my soulmate.


But more than anything, I want a kiss that subconsciously causes my leg to lift. 


Unfortunately, I still harbour "fairytale" like scenes in my head amidst the liberal and modernist views of life.

HAHA.

I know, I'm a walking contradiction.

goooooooodnight. (: