There are at times when amidst friends and people whether in school or anywhere I am,I always feel alone. I'm not sure why. But, it's like people are going about in their lives and here I am, seeing or rather looking at them in a different view. Like standing outside their window and staring in.
How I wish that I'm not walking home alone home from school. How I'm not going to the library alone to find comfort in the silence and the solitude. How I know I'm not going to eat breakfast at Delifrance alone. How I wish, there'll be that phone call or message that I'm waiting for. How I wish...
It's a wonderful feeling to be alone; to be away from the rest. Then again, sorrows and loneliness could be overpowering them.
But wishes are wishes and they'll always remain that way. They have been that way since the beginning of time, and it'll remain the same for the next lifetimes to come. Sometimes you wish that there is something else than home-school-home-school. And you just hope that there is something to look forward to other than being such a school junkie. Someone whom you can talk to on the phone at night, be it mindless chatter or just talk. Someone who believes in you when others won't. Someone whom you know will be at the other end, just waiting to hear you out. Just someone.
I'm keeping to myself lately these few days. I don't know why, but I am. What for to speak your mind out when nobody listens. They always hear you, but never listen. I'm just too tired. It's easier to go with the flow like a jellyfish and have someone take over the reigns once in a while. It sucks major big time, but it's a break for me.
Someone asked me lately, "Are you and ______(person's name) close friends?" Thinking about it, I figured out that my definition of that is very deep. And I think I do not have any "close friends" at all. It doesn't mean that if I spend most of my time with a certain person, that doesn't automatically make us close. To me, it holds a deeper level of understanding and commitment.
I'm just so worn out during the week, and I'm even worn out over the weekend, either way, I'm thoroughly worn out. Prolly that's why I keep to myself much these days. Three upcoming UTs, spread all for the week.(thank god one's down) You know, I'm just gonna stop everything and just have an early night for tonight. I'm tired. I'm so tired, I can just break down and cry =(
Well, I'm such a miserable person, no? Yeah, I guess some things does that to you.